Blog comments on Coleen Elmer's Post

My comments:
Coleen,
You've made me think about my own mother and similar feelings. When I read our book I thought about how I approach students, but never thought this way. Towards the end of my mothers life you never knew what she would be like when we went over to her house. One time she would be great and the next time she would be explosive. When she died we found out she had hardening of the arteries and several other problems that led to how she was. I certainly didn't give her an A. I was to busy measuring her. I can't change the past, but I need to think about the relationships I have now with my wife and own children and make sure I'm giving them an A. I also need to carry this idea over to my classroom. Thanks for the great thoughts that made me think about what I'm doing. Great job!

Coleen Elmer's blog post on the "Art of Possibility"
Even as a young child I understood the art of possibility. I was a dreamer that believed anything was possible and that life had a deeper meaning than just making it through each day. I certainly can understand the survivor mentality because in many ways my dysfunctional childhood encouraged that survivor mentality. My mother was misdiagnosed and inappropriately treated for many years until a specialist finally stumbled on the correct diagnosis. My mother was extremely bipolar and also was an alcoholic. I spent much of my childhood caring for a sick mother and my younger brother and sister but that never put a damper on my dreams and all the possibilities for my future. I dreamed of the day that I would live my life providing compassion to those in need as an RN.

I really wish I would have understood the importance of the practice of giving “A’s” earlier in my life. This philosophy would have made a world of difference in my relationship with my now deceased mother. I have always believed that she had failed as a mother. I wanted to understand how she could give up on life when she had 5 children that needed her support and encouragement. What would have happened if I could have given her an “A”? What if I could have approached her from a framework of respect rather than measurement? Would I have been able to reach out and understand her reality? These are questions that I will never know the answer too. I have learned a valuable lesson in life that I will apply in the future. My father is now 85 years old and I am planning to move back home next fall to rebuild relationships with my father and siblings. I intend to approach them in a respectful and understanding manner; giving them an “A”.